I never imagined telling someone something could be so difficult, to the point of being physical painful.
Even as I write, the emotions flood back. My throat tightens, burning with every breath. My nose begins to run. And my eyes threaten to overflow in a never-ending torrent of tears.
Telling my daughter was the worst. Devastation reflected in her eyes. Fear of losing her mother. Knowing if anything happened to me, her world would change forever.
I’m surprised my husband understood anything through my tear-filled explanation. My sons, I told quickly, downplaying the significance. Thank goodness they know breast cancer is extremely beatable, so they are holding on to optimism. My mom’s a nurse, so when I told her, she tried to be optimistic and analytical. And my brother, who found out from his wife, is simply avoiding me altogether.
After telling five people, I couldn’t do it anymore. I told my husband to tell his family. But even listening to him tell his mother, made me cry. It wasn’t easy for him either.
So what about everyone else?
How do you delicately drop, “Oh by the way I have breast cancer,” into a conversation. I thought of posting it on Facebook, but is that the way people want to hear about something like this?
It is hard enough to go through having breast cancer, knowing in a month the surgeon will be cutting off my breast. Now I also worry about how to tell people, who to tell, and whether they will get mad at me or my family for not telling them in person.
After much painful deliberation, flip-flopping back and forth, I have decided to write this post. It’s to tell my family and friends this: if you find out I have breast cancer because I am blogging my experience to the world, please be understanding.
Try putting yourself in my position. Recognize how impossible it is for me or any member of my immediate family to call our loved ones and say, “I, my wife, my daughter, my mother, my sister – I have breast cancer and we don’t know how it’s going to end.”
I pray none of you will ever have to make that call.
If I didn’t think it mattered to blog my experience – to show how past lives clearly influence our current life – I would keep this experience private. However, I know how important to look at what is going on in our lives, and past lives, to help us learn our life lessons. Otherwise we are destined to repeat those experiences over and over again.
Through my experience I hope to help and inspire others.
So please support me in the way I have chosen to do this. Send happy thoughts and avoid thinking negatively. And if you need to connect, send me a message. For me, right now, it’s easier to deal with electronic messages.
Thank you and be healthy!